Miss Stein gets up every morning about ten and drinks some coffee,
against her will. She's always been nervous about becoming nervous and
she thought coffee would make her nervous, but her doctor prescribed
it. Miss Toklas, her companion, gets up at six and starts dusting and
fussing around. Once she broke a fine piece of Venetian glass and
cried. Miss Stein laughed and said "Hell, oh hell, hell, objects are
made to be consumed like cakes, books, people." Every morning Miss
Toklas bathes and combs their French poodle, Basket, and brushes its
teeth. It has its own toothbrush.
Miss Stein has an outsize bathtub that was especially made for her.
A staircase had to be taken out to install it. After her bath she puts
on a huge wool bathrobe and writes for a while, but she prefers to
write outdoors, after she gets dressed. Especially in the Ain country,
because there are rocks and cows there. Miss Stein likes to look at
rocks and cows in the intervals of her writing. The two ladies drive
around in their Ford till they come to a good spot. Then Miss Stein
gets out and sits on a campstool with pencil and pad, and Miss Toklas
fearlessly switches a cow into her line of vision. If the cow doesn't
seem to fit in with Miss Stein's mood, the ladies get into the car and
drive on to another cow. When the great lady has an inspiration, she
writes quickly, for about fifteen minutes. But often she just sits
there, looking at cows and not turning a wheel.
Miss Stein always drives, and Miss Toklas rides in the back seat,
squealing and jumping, for they say that Miss Stein is the worst driver
in the history of automotive engineering. She takes corners fast,
doesn't put out her hand, drives on the wrong side of the street, pays
no more attention to traffic signals or intersections than she does to
punctuation marks, and never honks. Now and then Alice will lean over
from the back seat and honk. They haven't had any accidents. One writer
who visited her had a fake wire sent to him from Paris calling him
back, because he was afraid he'd be killed in the Ford.
Miss Stein spends much of her time quarrelling with friends—always
about literature or painting. The quarrels are passionate ones,
involving everybody, taking hours to get under way, lasting for years
(like the one with Hemingway). Nobody remembers after a couple of
months exactly what the quarrels are about. The maid at the Stein house
in Paris has to be told every day who will be persona grata at
tea—it all depends on the quarrel of the night before. Gertrude sits up
late, talking, arguing, and laughing; she has a rich, deep, and warming
laugh. Afterward she wakes up Alice, who goes to bed early, and they go
over the talk of the whole day. Miss Stein has a photographic memory
for conversation.
The lady wears astonishing clothes: sandals, woollen stockings fit
for a football-player, a man's plush fedora hat perched high on her
head, rough tweed suits over odd embroidered waistcoats and peasant
tunics. She also wears extraordinary blue-and-white striped knickers
for underdrawers. This came out when she lost them once at a concert
given by Virgil Thomson at the Hotel Majestic. She just stepped out of
them somehow and left them lying there on the floor. She thought it was
very funny and laughed loudly.
The New Yorker, October 13, 1934